Recieve

Kyle was working nights Thursday and Friday this past Holy week, the two day shifts before had already left me feeling a bit overwhelmed and lonely, which was mostly due to hormones, or an imbalance of some sort when it comes to them. Although I am still in the process of figuring it all out,  one thing I can do is predict the week to ten days of the month in which I know I won't be feeling like myself as much and when everyday things become a bit harder, and it so happened to be over Holy Week while Kyle was working. A strong finish to Lent I guess.

Thursday, I was sitting on the couch reading while Leander napped and Kyle was getting his lunch ready for the night when a good friend texted me wondering if I wanted to come for a play date after Leander was up from his nap. We decided to meet around 3 or 4, and with a deep breath I sent another text,

"Can we.......stay for supper?" 

It feels almost like you're doing something wrong...inviting yourself over for supper, not knowing if the person has plans already for the evening or if it would be too much to ask. Something in me knew it was okay to ask her though, and even more, it felt good to have a friend in which I knew what the answer would be. SURE! Was the reply and that she was so glad I asked. She is a friend that just gets it and who has felt some of the things I feel, and has had her share of crosses. I didn't expect her to be so touched that I had been vulnerable enough to ask. 

This is when I knew that this is the way we are supposed to live. Being there for others when they need you, and in turn being able to reach out when you know that you need something. This is the way the world should work but most of the time we are too afraid to ask for help. 

Our evening consisted of rowdy toddlers, take out Vietnamese, and Italian wine. Good conversation with a couple that I deeply admire and respect for who they are as Christians, a family, and people.  

It felt so good to receive.

I shared about my experience in a group chat with a few mom friends and the generosity kept pouring out as if God was placing people in a queue who were ready to receive me and Leander. One sister in a group of four sister in law's from one family, who are some of my closest friends, invited me to come to her place for supper after Good Friday service. Even though the only people that would be there were extended family. They took me in and fed me; body and soul. 

Next, another one of the sister in laws invited me to the next family gathering at her parents for an Easter saturday brunch. She knew that Kyle would be sleeping most of the day and I would again be alone. I joined them the next day in a house full of food, kids, (lots of kids!), conversation, and even a piñata! They all made me feel so welcome and so part of the family. Maybe at Easter we are all family.

It felt so good to receive.

I can't describe the way the generosity of all these people, who I am beyond blessed to have in my life, made me feel. It blessed my Triduum, made me feel less alone, and caused my own spirit of generosity to grow. Although there are still ways to show generosity every day, I am still very much in a state of receiving and working my way through this little stage in my life. I am trying to rest with the fact that it's ok. I can't be everything to everybody in the way that I want to right now, and that's ok. 

One day I know there will be a day when things shift, maybe it will be soon, maybe it will be on and off, receiving and giving, interwoven throughout my months and years. All I know is that I can't wait to be the giver. I just hope people know they can ask. Never be afraid to reach out and ask for something your soul needs, because there will be people waiting to receive you, you only have to be vulnerable enough to let go of pride and share your poverty. Trust me. 

It will feel so good to receive.

Two humble recipients :)